The Battle of the Bands was a musical competition held at Griswald's Grammar School, originally suggested by the teacher Mrs. Liversey, and authorized by headmaster Bob Crowley, who, in contrast to his predecessor Mr. Daimler (or Mr. Cole, back in 1973, when Mr. Pevenser already had the same idea), was quite delighted by the idea. The judges where Mrs. Liversey, Mr. Pevenser and Shelley Winters, who was also seen interviewing the former two, probably for an article in the Tackleford Cormorant.
The entries where:
- The Clean Street Crew, who were rapping about the evils of drug abuse. One band member, calling himself MC Horse, was wearing a horse mask, years before this became an internet meme.
- One band we don't learn the name of. Their performance was very tight, though.
- Edwin, who was singing about his deceased pet lizard. In the end, he became the official winner of the Battle of the Bands, even though he wasn't even a band. But Shelley was of the opinion that his song "spoke of a sad soul", so she wanted to cheer him up.
- Eustace Boyce and Paul Milford. Milford overcame the problem of lacking any musical expertise whatsoever  by playing prerecorded tunes on a keyboard in 80's synth pop style.
- Coven of Sepsis, consisting of Sarah Grote, Big Lindsay and Roxy Posthletwaite (the last one being a replacement for Esther de Groot ). They were performing the song Viral Puncture of the Superior Vena Cava, a "special song" that was taught to Roxy by The Child and his father. It had the effect of hypnotizing all male listeners , who later then had quite different opinions on what the actual lyrics of this song were. (Though they always were about declaring romantic or sexual feelings towards the respective listener.) In any case, the performance was so good that "a dangerous sum of money and a contract" was offered by Hugo Rodriguez. (To Roxy, that is. Concerning Sarah and Lindsay, Hugo was told to "give the two goths a wide berth".)